Local Man Still Hasn’t Had Covid, Starting To Take It Personally


THE Covid-19 virus is seemingly ‘too good’ for Waterford native Michael Flaherty, who has turned up yet another negative antigen test despite displaying every possible symptom of the disease that has touched every corner of the planet over the last three years.

“Every corner except 112 Erskine Childers Street, Waterford,” groused a sour-as-fuck Flaherty today, who has to settle with being sick yet again from just a regular old boring flu.

“This is absolute bullshit, if you ask me. Everyone in my family has had Covid, all my pals have had Covid. Every other day at work, someone gets a fortnight off because they’ve got Covid. But muggins over here just gets a runny nose and a bit of a cough. What’s wrong with me, that’s what I want to know. Sick of it at this stage”.

Mr. Flaherty lays the blame for his continued good health squarely on the government, stating that if he had simply continued his normal behaviour of never washing his hands or worrying about vaccinations or things like that, he’d have had Covid plenty of times by now.

“I wouldn’t be sat over here like Billy No-Covid,” Flaherty pouted, as stupid medical science and miserable basic hygiene continued to keep him safe and well.