Zombie Cars Can Only Be Killed By Shot To The Head Gasket

MOTORISTS are being warned of a new pandemic: that of the zombie car, a deadly phenomenon that sees unscrupulous dealers selling written-off cars imported from the UK – with only one remedy available.

“The zombie cars on our roads kill. The cars they kill, get up and kill,” warned one commentator on a TV panel today, as panic engulfed Waterford city where an estimated 40,000 vehicles are said to be in circulation.

“This is a remorseless practice that is happening. These ex-salvage cars are not safe, and cannot be made safe. They will not be covered by your insurance and there is nothing you can do about it, except to weed out those who are taking part in this lethal practice. If you know of a zombie car, then you must get rid of it before someone purchases it, by removing the engine or destroying the head gasket. It’s the only way to be sure”.

Reports are also reaching WWN of zombie cars that on occasion are entirely new cars comprised of the salvaged parts of several other automobiles, such as the one bought by Waterford man Peter Rogers, which turned out to be nine motorbikes and a can of paint.

“The price of cars is sky-high in Ireland, so I thought I’d get a bargain bringing in a car from the UK. That’s me fucked now, so it it,” sighed Rogers, from behind the handlebars of his new car.