Census Time Capsule Seems To Think Humanity Will Still Be A Thing In 100 Years


MUCH has been made about the time capsule section of the 2022 census, a new addition by the Central Statistics Office who seem to think that there will be someone to open it in one hundred years time.

In fact, the nation spending a large portion of the weekend perfecting what witty, poignant, angry or earnest thing to write in the section has been described as ‘cute’ by climate experts, who jokingly wondered if fish will have learned to read by the ‘opening date’ of 2122.

“Maybe what remains of humankind will have evolved newer eyes that can read your hilarious jokes in the low-light of a nuclear winter,” laughed one scientist, who gives the world ‘at best’ another 40 years.

“Hey, lighten up dude. This family over here just wanted to leave a message for their descendants to let them know they hope they’re having a great time in the future. They couldn’t possibly know that any survivors of the next 100 years will be ravaged by famine, disease, and man-made horrors beyond our reckoning,” joked another smart arse.

“We’ve got another ‘Will Smith slapping Chris Rock’ joke over here, honestly if mankind is this unoriginal, do we really want it to survive?” said a third statistician, reading their 19th ‘hilarious’ time capsule entry that hour.

All told, experts state that the time capsule entries should show future generations how humanity ran itself into the ground and had a great old time doing it, laughing all the way as the world burned around us.

“And how much we loved doing those drawings of that ‘S’ thing we used to do at school,” they added.