How This Dublin Bouncer Would Have Handled The Will Smith Incident

A PRELIMINARY investigation conducted by the Oscars organisers has found that Will Smith was asked to leave the event after he stormed the stage and slapped Chris Rock but refused to leave.

For an expert view on punter expulsion, we spoke to veteran Dublin bouncer Noel Hassle.

“Deescalation is key – when Will slaps your man, he’s clearly angry so first off I’d appeal to him to take it down a notch by shouting ‘control your woman’ and then if Jada spoke up I’d say ‘you’d want to put a muzzle on yer one’. That usually calms the situation,” explained Hassle.

“And now this is just based off my own experiences – but when something like that happens where I’m working the door, I’d grab that Rock fella and chuck him the fuck out on his arse even though he’s the innocent party, I’d sort of fake fall over so I can land on him too and break his ribs or something. He’d be barred for life.”

But what of the fact that Smith refused to leave when asked to do so?

“I’d like to see him say no to me,” the 5ft 6″ man with profound anger issues explained, “first off though – a lad looking like that, well-dressed head to toe in a suit and smart shoes – I wouldn’t have let him in to begin with, not tonight mate dot com forward slash fuck off and stop annoying me”.

“Will wouldn’t have dared pull that shit around me, my aura is too intimidating. Do you’ve any idea how much experience I have? I’ve watched all the Bourne movies and I have my own jiu jitsu Youttube channel with 113 subs”.

Hassle confirmed that ultimately Smith would be told that the Oscars venue was full, and despite pointing out that he can clearly see loads of space and free seats, Hassle would repeat ‘we’re full’ and then pretend like Smith wasn’t there anymore.