Excise Duty On Fuel Was Cut, You’ll Never Guess What This Petrol Station Did Next
WHILE many believe the government didn’t go far enough, news that excise duty on fuel would be reduced by 15c for diesel and 20c for petrol was welcomed by the Irish public.
Welcomed, that is, until they made their way to their nearest petrol station.
“It was mad weird, ‘cus I’d just heard on the radio the excise duty had been cut, but when I went to petrol station the price had increased by 15c. I even asked the lad there was it a mistake and he said ‘no, the company is made up of massive pricks just try and stop them’,” confirmed one former car owner, who just abandoned his motor on the side of the road there and then, such is economic cost of owning and running one these days.
Petrol stations earning millions in profits, ranging from Circle K, Maxol, Applegreen and every bastarding one without exception reacted to the news that extortionate prices would be marginally reduced by stating ‘not on our watch’, winning the hearts and minds of customers around the country.
“We could have come up with some bullshit like ‘automatic system update linked to current crude oil market rates, not our doing’ or ‘the ongoing situation’ but we’re sick of lying, we just love gouging you bastards,” confirmed one firm while drowning a bag of puppies for good measure.
Such is the anger at the cynical move there has been a mass mobilisation of people vowing to buy nothing but their petrol at stations from now until the end of time.
“I’m sorry I let you all down, but they strategically place the donuts right beside the till,” shared Alan McCormack, a traitor, after he parted with €2.50 for a glazed donut that frankly tasted like stale disappointment.
Elsewhere, property developers and landlord have said their phonelines are open 24 hours a day if any petrol station proprietors want additional advice on how to gouge people.