Winter Olympians No Idea They’re Competing On Top Of Mass Uighur Grave


HOPEFUL, determined and proud Olympians competing in the Beijing Winter Olympics which formally launched today with a glittering opening ceremony are completely unaware that they’re competing on top of a mass Uighur grave, WWN understands.

“Do you mean like a figurative or literal grave? I’m not cool with either, but obviously one is easier than the other to put out of your mind,” offered one bewildered participant, who admitted to being surprised at the great big shoulder shrugging from the world in the build up to a games taking place in a country that imprisoned over 1 million people from an ethnic minority.

“I know with host nations often a skii slope will be artificially constructed but like made out of scaffolding, right? Made of out manufactured stuff right? Or else that bumpy patch as I approached the jump might have been…” a horrified Olympian said, a realisation dawning on them.

Leading nations vying for a place near the top of the medals table have confirmed that such human rights issues will only blight the games if their nation under performs, in which case all fervent national pride will be discarded in favour of stressing how the games took place ‘under a cloud’ and, if anything, deep down they always felt China shouldn’t be allowed to host.

“Yeah, don’t expect us to grow a spine unless some speed skater trips over an actual spine poking through ice,” confirmed every major Olympics sponsor.

Elsewhere, in response to questions over whether China is an appropriate host for the games the uncompromising and incorruptible International Olympics Committee said ‘weather? Yes, it’s lovely isn’t it?’