Gardaí Reopen Cold Case On Missing 3rd Johnny


GARDAÍ in Tipperary have confirmed they will reopen a historic cold case into the missing Johnny Mafflin, the third wheel of the famous comedy duo the 2 Johnnies, WWN has learned.

Mafflin, who was known by many in the industry as a bit of a dry shite who wouldn’t know a punchline if it punched him in the face, was an ever present in the 3 Johnnies comedy group before suddenly going missing after a community hall gig in Oola one night, something which conveniently occurred right before the 2 Johnnies shot to fame.

“Sure, Johnny Mafflin wasn’t particularly chirpy or outgoing and was renowned for always leaving the pub when it was his turn to get a round in, but he did have clout when it came to the business end of things,” offered Sergeant Sean McCreedy, who confirmed the last known note written by Mafflin read ‘GAA songs/videos + podcasting + RTÉ gigs = world domination’.

“Now, I’m not suggesting for a second that when RTÉ came shaking their huge bag of cash, presuming that’s what RTÉ do; work off a bag-o-cash system of luring in performers. Anyway, when RTÉ did that, I presume some fellas began to think three didn’t divide into two so good, if you know what I mean?” Sergeant McCreedy added, at pains to suggest he wasn’t heavily insinuating anything suspicious happened to the third Johnny, despite repeatedly raising his eyebrows in a suggestive fashion and nudging this reporter with his elbow several times.

Meanwhile, McCreedy promised to explore a line of inquiry which suggests Mafflin is propping up a bar in South Tipp somewhere alongside a lad playing a poker machine who swears he got down to the final 7 for Boyzone back in the day.