Handy Tips When Saving For A Mortgage

SO YOU’VE started on the road which you hope will end with you becoming a homeowner/saddled with debt for 30 years. But did you know that many first time buyers fail to identify simple and effective ways to save for that all important deposit?

WWN’s financial expert Freddie Knobbs has those vital tips that could get you to your saving goals all the quicker. Knobbs’ nuggets of wisdom include:

Invent a texting time machine that allows you to send the message ‘spend everything you have on Bitcoin’ to your 2010 self.

Mugging the elderly couple in the ATM queue in front of you.

Don’t spend money on socialising, premium access television channels, or gambling. It’s important that this journey be as joyless as possible.

Think long and hard about which bank to go with, really put the required research into it before realising they are all equally useless.

If you hadn’t already thought about being born into a family wealthy enough to chuck you €50k on the sly, you’ll be feeling be pretty stupid now. The alternate is to check under your cushions for spare change and when you’ve finished that, breaking into other homes and doing the same.

Don’t just skip meals to save on money, completely shed your human form and become an amorphous cloud-being; that way you no longer have to pay for necessities like rent, clothes, travel and food.

Everyone talks about adopting in need children. Well, have you considered adopting an elderly bachelor farmer with a terminal illness who also has no living relatives?

Selling your organs on the black market is a stupid idea now. The market has been flooded by fellow first time buyers doing the same with the prices being driven down as a result. You really want to go through the pain of selling your liver when all you’ll get is a One For All voucher worth €20?

Set up ‘vaults’ in your Revolut account – this way you can regularly feel deep shame when you extract money from the vault marked ‘savings’ to buy another round of pints or pay an essential bill. This shame will help grind you down to the point where you no longer possess the hope or belief that you have what it takes to be a homeowner. Now, doesn’t that feel better*?

*significantly worse.