Taoiseach To Ramble About Bosco In Attempt To Distract From Issues

LEARNING a thing or two about distracting the media and keeping the focus off important issues from British prime twat Boris Johnson, Taoiseach Micheál Martin has entered into a 15-minute rambling ode to beloved Irish children’s TV royalty Bosco.

“I think we should have a Boscoland, don’t you? Everyone can go through the magic door, charge €30 quid, easy money. You could have a McSpuds supermarket too, charge through the nose,” opined Martin, hoping the Irish media weren’t too dissimilar to their British peers when it comes to taking the bait and failing to see the wood for the trees.

Facing simultaneous crises in housing, health, Covid response, failures in redress for Mother and Baby Homes survivors among others, the Taoiseach has gone for the deranged, detached, court jester routine favoured by the Tory leader.

“Some say Bosco is a bit too timid, but I reckon they’d be handy in a fight. Gouge a man’s eye out with a rusty spoon, that sort of thing. Sorry I seem to have lost my place in my speech,” added Martin before throwing sheets of paper in the air and attempting to dance the Charleston.

Wise to his attempts at ‘deadcatting’ a number of media outlets knowingly took the bait and focused solely on the erratic speech, clipping segments of it for social media for maximum viral effect.

“The Morbegs… I don’t care if they were related or whatever, the sexual chemistry was clear,” added the Taoiseach in what was supposed to a speech about PCR test shortages currently being experienced by 14 counties.