Conversion Therapy: Here’s Everything You Can Change Into

THE phrase ‘conversion therapy’ has for many years struck horror and disgust into the hearts of many, such is the antiquated notion that a person’s sexual orientation could be changed by intensive sessions of unregulated, at times dangerous, hate driven pseudo-psychiatric or religious meddling.

However, the Irish government have yet to ban the practice and are currently looking at whether or not to allow it to continue in the country, so perhaps it’s not as bad as it seems? But why stop at attempting to alter someone’s sexuality or gender identity? How about:

1) Become successful 

If you can indeed alter yourself by ‘praying the gay away’ or just psyching yourself out of it, why stop there? Why not become the person of your dreams, achieving successes you’ve never dreamed of without any significant effort or talent on your behalf. At least, give it a go. Remember if it was psychologically damaging and harmful in the long term, the government would surely have banned it by now, right?

2) Become religious

Although you may not have been a religious person before starting conversion therapy, you sure as hell weren’t straight either and they sorted that out for you! So why not stick around for another few days and see what else you can morph into? It’s the least you can do for them, after all they saved you from a life of being what you thought was you. Again; it’s not illegal, so someone obviously has your best interests at heart.

3) Covert into a ‘well if it doesn’t affect me directly’ sort of person

Even if you yourself don’t actually undergo a program of conversion therapy, you can still benefit from it! Simply ignore the government’s fence-sitting on the subject and voila – you’ve successfully gone from being progressively minded to a status quo loving shrug of the shoulders specialist. Keep up your ‘well it’s not my problem’ stance, and you may be a staunchly intolerant conservative before too long!