Ireland Claim First Gold Of Olympics In The Road Bowls Event

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THERE WERE scenes of unbridled joy as octogenarian Tommy Flaherty secured Ireland’s first gold of the Olympics in the road bowls event in Tokyo today.

Narrowly beating out the host nation’s representative in the final, 73-year-old Shinji Kato, Flaherty fulfilled a lifelong ambition after his 16th Olympic games.

“Ah sure he’s an impish little fucker with an arm on him like grenade launcher when throwing them bullets but I got the better of him,” confirmed Flaherty, 85, who moved to Tokyo late last year to acclimatise to the conditions of road bowling on rural Japanese roads, something which clearly paid off.

While the sport of road bowling originated in Ireland and is widely played on the island, Ireland has never medaled in the Olympic event until now.

“I came pretty close in Helsinki in ’52 but finishing 4th, well, I hit the sauce pretty fucking hard and I’m only coming out of it now to be honest the last few year,” explained the Louth man, staring in wonder at the gold medal around his neck.

“Ah fuck, I’m rumbled,” said Flaherty, concluding our interview as he was asked by IOC officials to partake in a routine drugs test.

Ireland’s next medal hope comes this afternoon in ‘competitive snoring’ event with Ireland’s Darragh O’Dowd, a father-of-four, in contention if he can beat his personal best of being sound asleep on the couch by 1.47pm.

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