“Few Round Here Could Do With That Conservatorship,” States Local Dad

THE harrowingly restrictive controls placed on pop icon Britney Spears ‘wouldn’t go astray’ on some of the young ones who live in the vicinity of Waterford man Gerry Hafferty, who this morning read Spears’ heartfelt statement about her conservatorship and thought it was ‘a pretty good idea’.

“There’s a lass up the road there with two kids but no man in the house, I think if a judge was to give her father full control of her life it’d sort her right out” said Hafferty, taking in his bins while giving the estate the once-over.

“I read there that Britney Spears’ dad made her get an IUD put in and she legally can’t take it out, that’d sort out a few of these women who seem to be just having kids for the craic these days, like herself in number 87 there. They say Britney’s dad got control of her life after she lost the run of herself in her 20s? Let me tell you, I’ve made assessments of every woman that lives within five streets of here, and conservatorship over them would put a bit of manners on them”.

Stating that his own two kids ‘turned out fine’ even though they don’t talk to him much these days, Hafferty claims he would welcome more Spears-style controls on unruly women who live their lives in a manner he considers ‘not right’, and wouldn’t be against some sort of government-enforced scheme if the women’s Dads ‘aren’t up to the job’.

“People say it’s a bit ‘Handmaid’s Tale’, but they say it like it’s a bad thing” mused Hafferty, who hopes that Spears’ plight will someday be an inspiration to women everywhere who need to know what happens when you don’t do as you’re told.