Nation Driven Demented At This Stage


REACTING to the combination of ongoing abysmal communication by the government and the fact lockdown is to be extended by a minimum of 6 weeks, the Irish public has confirmed it has officially been driven demented.

“The Taoiseach’s probably on the TV now to tell us what we’ve already known for a week because the government has more leaks than a condom made of Swiss cheese,” confirmed one member of the public who would pull their hair out in frustration, but already did so 30 government cocks up and 2 months ago.

Transported to its current frazzled state in a car manned by the government while breaking speed limits and whizzing through red lights all in the bus lane, the demented public couldn’t have been driven to this point more ably or any quicker by Lewis Hamilton.

“When you want a bus into town it could take days, but need driving demented? Jesus this lot will have you there in no time, but with a quick detour to pick up some people from the airport first” shared a bedraggled member of the public, still not fully recovered for the latest government issued clarification to clarify an earlier clarification on clarity.

The number of people at sixes and sevens who don’t know whether they’re coming or going thanks to the government’s poor communications increase by the hour, but help is on hand as experts have issued some guidelines on how to process what’s being outlined, poorly as always, by the government:

– ‘Living With Covid’. Ha!

– Just think of the government as your very own Enigma machine and you’re Alan Turing. No, things didn’t end well for him.

– Yes, they say that about schools, but they’ll only change their mind next week.

We’re all in this together

– Yes, we know the minister said this, but there’s another minister on the radio currently contradicting everything they said, so who the fuck knows. And that will be followed up with now customary quadruple contraction by the Tánaiste.

– You can just go ahead and add a few more weeks onto that timetable they’ve outlined for that particular thing.

– Yes, that bit there sounds incorrect too but don’t worry the relevant minister will clarify the matter 6 hours later on Twitter to their 2,000 followers instead of issuing a formal statement.

– No, don’t worry that measure there will be changed again in a few days.

– More booze.