State Of Local Girl’s Bedroom Leads To Plunge In OnlyFans Subscriptions

IT would appear that otherwise sexy young Waterford woman Helen NiBrionagh has suffered a steep fall-off in her OnlyFans numbers due to the sheer state of her room, where she shoots all of her content.

23-year-old Helen had signed up to the site in a bid to make a few extra euro from men who were willing to part with their cash for access to pictures of her posing in front of her bedroom mirror, and achieved initial success until just last week.

OnlyFans, which we’re told is a subscription service primarily used for the sharing of sexual content, had originally responded to Miss NiBrionagh’s complaint about the 90% drop in fans with no clear advice, but has today suggested that perhaps subscribers to her content may have been put off by what appears to be a clearly visible plate of week-old toast crusts peeking out from under her bed.

Furthermore, statistics have shown that there’s a limit to the amount of make-up and curling irons strewn over a dressing table and dirty laundry lying on the ground that a man is willing to endure in order to see a young lady in her smalls, and that even a woman as attractive as Ms. NiBrionagh would struggle to retain subscribers if she didn’t pull a hoover around the place once in a while.

“You know what’s really sexy? A mop” said the OnlyFans helpdesk.

“A lot of the people who subscribe to these accounts are pervy old bastards looking at girls who are the same age as their daughters. And the last thing they need is a reminder of someone who’s as messy at their own kid”.