Russia, Saudi Arabia & Iran ‘Shitting Themselves’ As Ireland Takes Up UN Security Council Seat


IRELAND’S very first job as it makes history by taking its seat on the UN Security Council for the first time is to reassure the terrified and trembling leaders of countries committing human rights abuses and waging war not to evacuate the contents of their bowels in fear.

Cowering in corners, calling out for their mothers and invoking the name of God, representatives of Russia, Saudi Arabia, Iran and Israel among other nations were said to be inconsolable at the thought of new ‘big man about town’ Ireland taking up its council seat.

“Is this the crowd that tried to build a children’s hospital and got fleeced for €2 billion? Yeah, can’t wait to see how they react when we say ‘it wasn’t chemical warfare’,” shared one Russian official.

“Is Ireland the one where soldiers are so poorly paid that they sleep in their cars? And they’re going to tell us we’ve to stop uranium enrichment or else?” offered Iran’s representative to the UN.

Ireland’s presence within the chamber of the UN Security Council is already being felt, with one Saudi representative heard enthusiastically shouting ‘Hey Irish! Tell the Chinese you’re not happy with the treatment of the Uighurs’ while also filming the potential encounter for World Star.

“Are they going to give the US shit from torturing people in Guantanamo, but they let the very same people refuel the planes that transported them on their soil. This I’ve gotta see!” shared one enthusiastic observer of international diplomacy running into the chamber.

Geraldine Byrne Nason, Ireland’s representative on the council, is rumoured to bringing a bag of cans and a plea for everyone to ‘be sound and just have craic’ to the first meeting.