Blitzen Quits To Pursue Solo Career


IN news that looks set to shake the Christmas industry to its very core, long-time Santa sleigh member Blitzen has stepped away from the group effective immediately, citing creative differences and a desire to ‘see what he can do on his own’ as his primary reasons for leaving the prestigious gig.

“We would like to thank Blitzen for his services, and we wish him all the best in his future endeavours” read a terse statement from Santa himself, the brevity of which hinted at a much deeper rift in the nine-deer team.

“It’s long been an open secret that Blitzen didn’t care for being called out last in the song, nor did he like Rudolph’s ‘most famous reindeer of all’ moniker” said one insider elf.

“Not one bit. Blitzen always said there was no ‘I’ in ‘Reindeer games’- he never was that smart. But he did believe that rather than being a tightly-knit group of nine, they were in fact more like ‘Rudolph and 8 back-up deer’, and he never liked that, not one bit”.

Of the 8 other deer, only Blitzen’s stablemate Donner has come out to wish his former colleague a sincere farewell, tearfully recalling ‘the good old days’ before the disruptive arrival of ‘other deer’ – a clear dig at lead Nose-alist Rudolph.

“We lost a good deer today” sobbed Donner, before being reminded that he was forbidden to talk to the press due to a claus in his contract.

Meanwhile Blitzen himself has been quiet about his departure, claiming that he aims to take some ‘deer time’ to himself before embarking on some solo projects, none of which look like they’ll rival the success of Santa’s team.