“I Did Your Ads Now Let My Family Go” Idris Elba Begs Sky TV

PACING his pristine white kitchen which was inexplicably populated by action from movies available on Sky Cinema, Idris Elba screamed down the phone to Sky TV executives, begging for his family’s safe return.

“I’ve made every conceivable ad I can make, I’ve held my end of the bargain, just give me my family back,” begged Elba, who has been forced into appearances in degrading ads by sadistic Sky TV kidnappers.

“I even sang in one of them God damn it, you made Luther sing! Stringer Bell sang but only because we had a deal. My family in exchange for 14,432 separate ads plugging Sky TV,” Elba said, stalling for time and trying to keep Sky on the phone long enough to track their exact location.

Hearing nothing but heavy breathing from the other end of the line, Elba, who hasn’t spoken a sentence in the last 5 years that didn’t feature a plug for Sky Q, Sky box sets or Sky Cinema, dropped to his knees.

“Please…I just want to see my family face to face in Sky Ultra HD quality again, please,” a defeated Elba said through the tears.

In heartwarming scenes members of the public have pledged to drop everything to help Elba to rescue his family.

“I’ll do whatever it takes, I’ll drag my testicles over broken glass for 400 miles if it means an end to those ads,” shared one person.

It is not believed Elba was forced to star in the movie Cats by Sky or anyone else, and his participation was inexplicably voluntary.