Finally! First Chinese Kids Return To Work In Apple Factories

THOSE searching for good news in these uncertain times should get a bit of relief from the news coming out of China today, almost all of tech giant Apple’s Chinese workforce has returned to productivity, including however many kids that are on the payroll.

Most factories in China were forced to either shut down or work on a reduced schedule following the initial outbreak of the Coronavirus at the turn of the year, causing a reduction in the amount of iPhones and Macs that Apple could produce per quarter, as well as a reduction in the number of Chinese lads jumping off the roof of their workplace.

However, with Covid-19 cases in China now dwindling to the lower double digits, life in the region is starting to return to normal, with some kids returning to school, and some kids returning to the assembly line.

“Back at it again lads,” said one 14-year-old undocumented worker in one of the many factories on Apple’s supply chain, cracking his knuckles before sitting down to his first 19-hour shift in a month.

“It’s great to get back to a bit of normality, it was getting to be a bit too much; cooped up indoors at home for the entire day. Now I can be cooped up in here for the entire day. Plus, I get to wear my gloves and mask and goggles all day, the company insist on that. They’re not worried about us getting sick, they’re worried about us dirtying the components! Jesus, if I break one of these iPhone charging ports again, that’s a month’s wages gone!”

In further good news for Apple, it looks unlikely that Ireland will have the time or energy to pursue the 13 billion euro tax bill owed by the company, which is a bonus!