Putin Not Arsed Interfering In Irish Election
RUSSIA’S benevolent leader Vladimir Putin has expressed his disinterest in interfering in the upcoming Irish election, despite his obvious interest in destabilising the West.
Senior KGB agents, unrivalled in the field of sowing the seeds of discontent in democracies, had recently presented Putin with a 24 inch thick dossier on Ireland with endless recommendations for how best to provoke Irish people into bitter disagreements and self-harming voting decisions.
“This is the strange little and insignificant country, no? Just vote for the Fine Gael or the Fianna Fáil? Like, how do you say, job-share dictatorship? We don’t need to interfere, they do more damage to selves than we could ever hope for,” offered Putin, before laughing incredulously after being informed Ireland’s leader, Leo Varadkar, most recently angered the Irish nation by planning a commemoration for the RIC, a force known for suppressing perceived dissent among the public with violence.
“I like sound of this RIC, my kind of guys,” added Putin.
Pouring over the pages which included complex and nefarious plans for spreading misinformation and organising and infiltrating anti-immigration groups, Putin chuckled as he realised his agents had spent days pointlessly working on plans for Ireland election.
“No, no, no. All this, it waste of money to interfere. Just look, they raise pension age on own people, no young people can afford life in city. Big American companies pay no taxes. But people vote for this? Democracy is crazy. I give it 5 years before they tear each other limb from limb; it become like Mad Max”.