Putin Not Arsed Interfering In Irish Election

Facebook Share Share
Twitter Share
Flipboard Share
Reddit Share
SHARES

RUSSIA’S benevolent leader Vladimir Putin has expressed his disinterest in interfering in the upcoming Irish election, despite his obvious interest in destabilising the West.

Senior KGB agents, unrivalled in the field of sowing the seeds of discontent in democracies, had recently presented Putin with a 24 inch thick dossier on Ireland with endless recommendations for how best to provoke Irish people into bitter disagreements and self-harming voting decisions.

“This is the strange little and insignificant country, no? Just vote for the Fine Gael or the Fianna Fáil? Like, how do you say, job-share dictatorship? We don’t need to interfere, they do more damage to selves than we could ever hope for,” offered Putin, before laughing incredulously after being informed Ireland’s leader, Leo Varadkar, most recently angered the Irish nation by planning a commemoration for the RIC, a force known for suppressing perceived dissent among the public with violence.

“I like sound of this RIC, my kind of guys,” added Putin.

Pouring over the pages which included complex and nefarious plans for spreading misinformation and organising and infiltrating anti-immigration groups, Putin chuckled as he realised his agents had spent days pointlessly working on plans for Ireland election.

“No, no, no. All this, it waste of money to interfere. Just look, they raise pension age on own people, no young people can afford life in city. Big American companies pay no taxes. But people vote for this? Democracy is crazy. I give it 5 years before they tear each other limb from limb; it become like Mad Max”.

ONE MORE THING: Our articles have been free for the past 10 years and will remain so for the foreseeable future. We've since launched an exclusive service for sound fuckers to donate a price of a fancy coffee per month in return for a whole new tier of quality satire. So please, give our small team some support, you absolute legend. Thanks.

Signing up is easy and done HERE.
Comments ( 1 )
Share what you think.