Housemates Not As Quiet At Riding As They Think

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DO you enjoy bringing your partner back to your flat for a quickie, safe in the knowledge that your copulation is quiet enough to go unnoticed by your housemates? Well, it turns out you’re in for a surprise. After a poll among apartment and home dwellers showed that almost all riding done in a shared living environment is 100% audible to all people within.

Of the 100,000 people polled, 999,999 of them confirmed that the gyrations and grunts of their flatmates was loud enough to be heard through several walls, with the remaining 1 person admitting to being deaf since birth.

This came as a complete surprise to flatmates around the country, who could have sworn that they were being ‘as quiet as a gentle breeze’ during bouts of riding someone rotten/getting rid rotten while their housemate was in the next room.

“Using sensitive listening equipment, we can easily detect the sounds of Derek upstairs fingering some young one he brought home from Coppers,” said a spokesperson for the study, wearing earplugs to drown out the terrible mating sounds of a drunk Carlow man.

“Truly, nobody is ever as quiet as they think they’re being during love-making. This may come as distressing news to anyone still living with their parents who brings a girlfriend or boyfriend home, who may have been under the impression that their folks didn’t know there was a bit of riding going on; they knew, they absolutely knew”.

Although the news comes as a surprise to them, most flat-sharing stranger-bangers have stated that this is ‘as quiet as they’re likely to be this side of the grave’.

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