Disappointing Lack Of Deaths On Radio This Morning, Sighs Waterford Mother


TODAY’S anti-climactic edition of the list of bereavements on Waterford Sound FM has left Lismore local Margaret Shelly feeling underwhelmed, with the 73-year-old admitting that ‘she’d hoped for a few more good ones in there’.

Shelly went on to state that she can’t remember a death notices announcement that was so devoid of tragedy, gossip, and people who were related in some convoluted manner to someone she sort of knows in town.

The mother of five made certain to listen to editions of the death notices at 8.30am, 1.30pm and 5.30pm to make sure she wasn’t missing anything, and later confirmed that the only dead people in her immediate area were two people she’d never heard of who died peacefully in their residence, and someone with a foreign-sounding name.

“This listener is pissed off in her adjoining kitchen,” fumed Shelly, who could barely bring herself to drink her cup of ‘deaths tea’ that she makes specially ever morning.

“No ‘suddenly, as a result of an accident’, nobody under 40 dropping dead… no donations in lieu of flowers, not even a ‘house strictly private’ so I could have a bit of a sneer about how they think they’re better than the rest of us. I’ll tell you this much, they’ll want to pick it up tomorrow or I’ll be tuning in elsewhere”.

To scratch her deaths itch, Shelly had a dig around in the archives of her deaths podcasts, to relive a few old classics.