Theresa May Delays Brexit Negotiations Until Love Island Is Over


LOOKING for all possible ways to delay having to come up with her first negotiation position that isn’t built on naivety, ignorance, endless contradictions and a complete lack of understanding, British PM Theresa May has declared Brexit negotiations will have to wait until popular reality TV show Love Island is over.

“The British people will get the Brexit they voted for but I can’t in good conscience pursue the totally brilliant results will we definitely get from the EU while Love Island is still on. Jack and Dani’s relationship must be seen through to the end. Until then negotiations are on hold,” an official press release from May read.

The PM has strongly denied claims that she, along with her cabinet, are so bereft of ideas they are searching for any excuse to avoid accelerating Brexit talks with EU, and that this isn’t just a ploy to delay talks the EU have repeatedly said need to advance quickly.

“Island Loving is my favourite television broadcast programme made for the 16-35 demographic. I, like all Britons, love the show, and have, like them taken the beloved Megan and Adam to my heart,” May explained, struggling to sound human in her speech.

Having failed to deliver a detailed plan for the Irish border which is acceptable to the 27 EU states, May appears to suddenly have found a love for a TV show which still has a number of weeks left on screens before it concludes.

The EU immediately dispatched a team of 30 Love Island experts to London in a bid to use the ‘recoupling process’ on the show as a helpful metaphor for how Brexit should work via an extensive DVD. However, in an effort to press play on the instructive DVD May’s cabinet accidentally threw the television and DVD player into the Thames with 6 ministers each breaking several fingers while trying to use the remote.