Jobs Boost For Irish Robots As Amazon Announces 1,000 New Positions


A WELCOME jobs boost for Dublin as internet company thing Amazon has confirmed they are in the market for 1,000 highly qualified robots to take up positions at their offices in Blanchardstown and Tallaght.

“This is just the opening I’ve been looking for,” confirmed Automated Production Unit 45678X3, expelling several joyous bleeps and boops.

Serving as yet another indication that Ireland’s economy is unstoppable, the 1,000 positions come online in the next two years and include a number of enviable benefits.

“Holy shit, you get your own charging port and you get a break every week for an hour when they have update your operating system, awesome,” prospective Amazon employee Data Procurement & Storage Unit Vs0-37P.

The jobs announcement was welcomed by the Taoiseach who magically appears once you say ‘photo op’ three times, with Amazon officials praising Irish workers.

“Irish robots are among the best educated and most hard working in the world, we’re delighted to having them work round the clock for us and this has nothing to do with Ireland’s lax tax system,” the official confirmed.

Those worried by the increased presence of automated robots in the workforce have been reassured by experts, with many pointing out that the ‘violently overthrow humans’ mode implanted in every robot can only be voice activated by the command phrase ‘kill kill kill’.