Racist Royal Family Fan Really Conflicted Ahead Of Wedding


A LOCAL Royal family fan and avowed racist has spoken for the first time of the conflict currently unfolding deep within her ahead of Prince Harry’s wedding to Meghan Markle tomorrow.

The pomp and circumstance of a Royal Wedding, complete with its blindingly jingoistic waving of miniature Union Jack flags normally helps to swell Dierdre Beltrane’s British pride to dangerous levels, however, owing to the fact Meghan Markle is mixed race, Beltrane has found it difficult to be as joy-filled as she normally would be for a Royal Wedding.

“It’s been really tough,” explained Beltrane, while drinking from a special edition China mug with Harry and Meghan’s face on it, with Meghan’s skin tone lightened in a bid to appeal to conflicted Brexit fans like Beltrane.

“On the one hand, tomorrow will have everything I love; a celebration of people who are inherently better than you and me because they were born into a certain family. I’m not even one of those Royal apologists who says ‘but they generate so much tourism income’, I just think they are of a Divine bloodline, and we should fund their existence through the taxpayer,” Beltrane explained.

“But on the other hand she’s a dirty foreign, and isn’t the sort of pure thoroughbred lovely girl I want in my Royal family, and I can tell you now, I know Philip agrees with me,” Beltrane added, laying bare her dilemma ahead of the big wedding, which is of great importance, somehow.

Elsewhere, staunch equality campaigners will have a less difficult time justifying why they’re marveling over a glorified wedding dress fashion show which forms part of a carefully calculated PR drive for an anachronistic institution, by stating something about how Meghan Markle is successful in her own right.

“Think that more than justifies kicking all those homeless people off the streets on the Royal Wedding route near Windsor,” confirmed one occasional feminist.