“We Still Own This Place, Right?” Boris Johnson’s Dublin Meeting Off To Bad Start

BORIS JOHNSON’S remarks at a meeting in Dublin with Minister for Foreign Affairs Simon Coveney have sparked outrage after he mistakenly believed Ireland was still part of the UK, WWN can confirm.

“Good God, we’ve really let this shithole go to ruin, sorry about that Simon, I know you didn’t vote Leave in the referendum but we’ll tidy the place up. We’ll get rid of the funny green and orange flags too, I blame Theresa myself to be honest,” Johnson confirmed, at a meeting designed to reassure Irish people that the maintaining of a ‘soft border’ was of paramount concern to the British government in Brexit negotiations.

Informed of his mistake by attending journalists, Johnson response was the epitome of the loveable rogue persona he has cultivated over the course of his political career.

“Oh c’mon, you drunken potato eaters don’t have to hold a grudge, it was an innocent mistake. You were never the brightest bunch, smaller brains you see, the Irish, that’s a scientific fact,” concluded Johnson, content another overseas trip was helping to enhance Britain’s reputation abroad.

The meeting was initially delayed by several minutes as Johnson had to leave the room after it appeared he was wearing his trousers back to front, but the UK Foreign Secretary reemerged to lob unintentional insult after unintentional insult to awaiting journalists.

“Okay, now don’t all jump down my throat, but can someone remind me, what’s the whole Northern Ireland thing again. I know there was trouble, multiple of troubles, but what, you know, happened?” Johnson added while straining his face.

Johnson, who’s hands were marked visibly with ‘left’ and ‘right’ written in pen, then asked his Irish counterpart why Irish sterling was so different to British sterling.