Enda Kenny To Enter Fine Gael Leadership Meeting To ‘I Will Survive’

IN A POWERPLAY described as the political equivalent of placing your balls on the table, Enda Kenny is set to enter this evening’s crunch Fine Gael meeting to the incomparable strains of Gloria Gaynor’s 1978 smash hit ‘I Will Survive’.

“The Kenster ain’t fucking around,” explained one source close to the Fine Gael party, “he knows his days are numbered, but a grand entrance like this could spook a few of the young upstarts, and make them have second thoughts about going toe-to-toe with The Enda”.

“And obviously all political posturing aside, it’s just a banging tune altogether,” added the source, “it’ll get the party members in a good mood after what has been a tough day, week, month and year”.

While the Taoiseach is fully expected to announce his intention to step down as leader of the country and his party at the meeting, the news that he will strut into the key meeting to such an evocative song has led to further speculation that Kenny will not go without a fight.

“We’ve talked him out of lip-syncing to the song, but he’s fairly adamant he wants me to wait inside the door and when he shouts ‘Tee-shock in da house’ I have to press play,” the source shared.

“He’s practicing how to walk for hours”.

It is unclear yet if such a bold strategy will work, but were it to prove a success, experts believe it will be due to the fact Simon Coveney and Leo Varadkar will start to have second thoughts about wanting to take over the mess that is Irish politics.