“Any Chance Of That Trillion Dollars You Owe Us” Chinese President Asks Trump
CHINESE President Xi Jinping has reportedly asked US President Donald Trump if his nation has the $1.051 trillion it owes the People’s Republic of China for a second time since meeting him last week, adding that it has a few bills of its own to pay and that he “hates asking”.
Speaking over the phone yesterday amid tensions off the North Korean peninsula, President Jinping explained that he could really do with “that few quid”, as China also owes $4.3 trillion in national debt.
In a transcript of the conversation with Mr. Trump, the Chinese premier pointed out the pressures of keeping a nation of 1.3 billion people alive:
Jinping: “Our GDP per capita is the 91st-lowest in the world, below Bosnia & Herzegovina, so you can imagine the crap I’m getting back home, Don. We also have 1,548,498 prison inmates to feed, so shit keeps piling up. I hate asking for that few quid, but you know yourself”.
Trump: “Tell me about it, we have 2,193,798 prisoners to feed, with only a quarter of the population you guys have, so things are tight here too. Did you ever just try killing them?”
Jinping: “Yeah, officially we get rid of 3,000 a year, but unofficially…”
Trump: “I get ya, I get ya. I like your style Xi… can I call you Xi? You’re a great guy. I love those mobile execution vans you little guys have got. Very inventive. I tell you what, I’ll ask my money guys to get onto your money guys, and see what we can do about that debt”
Jinping: “Don, that would be great. We’ve a mountain of unopened bills here, so it would be much appreciated”
Trump: “Who the hell do we owe this money to anyway? Everyone is always on about this debt, and I never know ha-ha”
Jinping: “Ha-ha, me too. No idea, but the envelopes look very official and scary”
Trump: “Okay, we’ll get the ball rolling… Oh yeah, I nearly forgot, we’ll probably make a move on North Korea pretty soon, so if you guys could back off a little?”
Jinping: “Sure thing, but we’ll need to flex our muscles a bit; make it look like we’re opposed to the whole thing”.
Trump: “Deal! God, I love this job”
Jinping: “Me too. Golf the weekend?”
Trump: “Now you’re talking like a president!”