Snapchat Valued At €20bn Because Of Course It Is


AHEAD of its flotation on the stock market, social media app Snapchat has been valued at €20 billion, that’s 20 billion euro, because sure, why wouldn’t it be.

IN fact, some US experts are suggesting the company might float for as high as $40bn when it becomes publicly listed, because ‘hey, what’s a swing of 10-15 billion dollars when you’re talking about a phone app that teenagers use to send each other pictures of their genitals’.

“We were asked to stick a price on Snapchat so we just said ‘fuck it, what’s a nice round figure?'” said one Wall Street lad we talked to.

“It’s tech, you know? It’s a tech thing. It’s worth what we say it’s worth. Right now Snapchat generates about $350m a year some-fucking-how, but if we bang a high value on it and stick it out on the market, we could drive that up to $1bn a year, easy. Why? How? Who the fuck knows. But rest assured, you either buy stock in Snapchat from day one, or your family are destined to starve to death in a ditch by this time next year”.

Investors have been urged to sink their money into any social media firm that appears in the next five years, instead of wasting their money on medical or pharmaceutical companies working on cures for diseases or whatever.