American Tourist Can’t Get Over Dirty, Decaying & Dangerous Charm Of Dublin City

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A VISITING American tourist has heralded the charm of Dublin, particularly the areas which seem to be boarded up, in disrepair and completely neglected, WWN can confirm.

“I tried one of your pints of the black stuff in the Guinness storehouse and was struck by how you don’t seem to give a shit about the bits of the city I’m not supposed to visit,” Gary Mackey, a Boston native shared when talking to WWN.

Sticking to the designated ‘tourist zones’ of the city on the first day of his trip, Mr. Mackey was struck by the city’s vibrancy and understated charm but spoke warmly of the lesser spotted parts of the city.

“I like how you guys just let buildings decay, it’s a great look, so quaint. And don’t get me started on that adorable thing you do, pretending people living in squalor openly on the streets and down lanes just don’t exist,” Mr. Mackey added, full of effusive praise.

As dictated by the ‘America is better than us’ provision in the constitution, the Irish media are obligated to report en masse when an American is praising Ireland in any shape or form, which has resulted in huge coverage of Mr. Mackey’s thoughts on the unique charm of Dublin city’s degradation and poverty. However, there is no obligation to mention the fact Mr. Mackey has been robbed three times during his visit.

Tourism Ireland has yet to confirm if they will fine the American for straying outside the designated tourist zones. Each street thought to contain anything unpalatable which approaches conveying the reality of Dublin in 2016 is marked by a no tourist sign which consists of a large X through an image of an overweight American clutching money.

“We have no idea what Mr. Mackey is talking about, has he visited the Leprechaun Museum yet?” A Dublin tourism spokesperson confirmed.

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