Bloomsday Marred By Twats


REPORTS are reaching WWN towers suggesting that this year’s Bloomsday celebrations are being marred by the appearance of several insufferable lovies all across Dublin.

Bloomsday, the day chronicled in the James Joyce blockbuster Ulysses, marks the journey of Leopold Bloom through Dublin in a quest to make no sense at all, while eating a fry.

Like most Irish holidays, Bloomsday should be an occasion to go out and get incredibly drunk before eating chips and falling asleep on the side of the road, or starting a fist-fight with a complete stranger.

However, Bloomsday has in recent years been hijacked by a rogue element who seem hellbent on ruining the celebration by dressing up and acting like Leopold Bloom and talking about things like literature and books, and novel uses of the English language, with very little drinking or fighting happening at all.

Although Bloomsday 2016 seemed to start quietly enough, in recent hours reports have confirmed that non-drinking, book-reading twats have started swarming the city centre, with a 24 hour twat warning announced by Gardai.

“There was one lad wearing glasses and a hat,” said one eyewitness, who almost dropped his naggin of vodka during the ugly scenes “They’re just walking around town, acting like they’re better than everyone else, just because they’re fans of one of the greatest works of literature of all time… gobshites!”.

Garda presence is mounting in the city ahead of this afternoon, where the Bloomsday celebrations threaten to boil over into a discussion about Finnegan’s Wake.