How To Survive Having To Talk To Your Wife’s Friend’s Husband

GOT a wife? Chances are she has friends – unless she’s a terrible person. If your wife is in fact terrible, you will never have to socialise with these people, inevitably finding yourself saddled with your wife’s friend’s husband for the day, a man you have never met, or have anything in common with except for the fact that you’re both men with wives, who seem to get along together. This could be the longest 45 minutes of your life, so try the following:

1) The old regulars

Men can pull a range of conversation topics out of the air at a moments notice, and they seem to work with most, if not all males. Go to your strange-male-conversation-kit and choose one or more of the following topics; the drive here, the price of car insurance, sport (any sport, any sport at all), how mild the weather is/ how mild it has been. Are you thinking about mowing the lawn soon? Throw that in!

2) Thump him directly in the face

Just out of nowhere, smash him one right in the grill. Then play off his reaction: maybe he’s angry, shocked, stunned, or he thinks it’s hilarious. Maybe he’ll hit you back? Beats standing there talking about the GAA.

3) Take your phone out and play a game or browse Twitter or something

This opens up the opportunity for him to do the same. It’s what you both want to do. Why not just do it? Life is too short for talking meaningless shite. Stare at your phone for a while instead.

4) Go up in the attic and get the N64

Regardless of whether you’re in his house, or he’s in yours, one of you has an N64 in the attic. Spend the hour playing GoldenEye while your wives talk about whatever it is they’re talking about.

5) Make love

Sure, give it a go.