Incredibly Boring Man Doesn’t Need Alcohol To Have A Good Time


AN incredibly boring Waterford man doesn’t need alcohol to have a good time, it has been alleged.

Tommy Martin, a 29-year-old non drinker, has been boring the pants off friends and family with the suggestion that he has a very enjoyable social life despite the absence of alcohol consumption.

“The dry shite has been going on about getting up before 1pm on the weekends, I fall asleep mid sentence listening to the cunt,” shared friend of Tommy’s, Alan Rattigan.

Despite claims of partaking in rock climbing, kayaking, running and enjoying something called a ‘brunch’ all before many of his friends wake up, Tommy has been able to provide little evidence that he is actually having anything normal, fun people call ‘craic’.

“He’s lost the run of himself, I don’t like looking at a friend and saying ‘you know what? I couldn’t tell you the last time he yelled out SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS’, when in the middle of a pub. And this prick is trying to tell me he knows how to have fun?” professional banter merchant Cian Grogan explained to WWN.

“He’s always cracking jokes on nights out, asking after my family and how things are going at work, it’s like, stop trying to wreck the buzz and down a jagerbomb already” Cian confirmed.

Friends of Tommy’s have also confirmed if they get one more text from him ‘looking to do something’ before 5pm on the weekends, they will snap.