5 Things To Do If Your Phone Starts Ringing
IT starts with a buzz, as your phone vibrates in your pocket. A message, you think. A Snapchat, a Whatsapp update, maybe an email, maybe someone commented on your Facebook post.
But no.
The phone keeps vibrating. It’s not a message at all… it’s a phone call.
It’s hard to believe in this day and age, but some people still insist on calling others, despite the huge number of ways to communicate without having to actually speak or stop doing whatever you’re doing. If one of these inconsiderate jerks starts calling you, you need to remember a few things…
1) Stay calm and assess the situation
Take a look at the phone screen and see who’s trying to reach you. Let the phone ring as you run through the various reasons as to why this is happening; have you forgotten something? Is someone dead? Is it a relative who doesn’t know how to text, and doesn’t use Facebook? Let’s cross our fingers and hope to God that whoever is calling you hasn’t got their number set on private, because even we don’t have any advice for you in that scenario.
2) Let the phone ring out
Just let the phone ring out, and go to voicemail. Then you can hear a brief summary of what the caller wants, and formulate a reply. Years of turn-based text chat have left you quite unable to hold a verbal conversation in real time, so people shouldn’t just try to spring a phone call on you like some sort of wild Pokemon. Just pray that they…
3) OH SHIT THEY’RE RINGING YOU BACK ALREADY
Crap crap crap, they’re ringing you again already! this must be really important, or else they’re just really oblivious to the rules of contacting people these days. Don’t they know they should text someone to let them know to expect a call sometime in the next hour? Let it ring out again. This is too much pressure.
4) Send them a text message to say you can’t take a call
Keep it brief, keep it simple. You want them to not call you again, and to instead send an emoji-filled summary of what they want you for. You want them to realise the error of their ways and never call you again. You want them to accept that you are too busy to take a call, but not question the fact that when it comes to texting, you’ve got all the time in the world.
5) Smash your phone and throw it into the nearest river
If no river is available, any large body of water will do. You don’t want to run the risk of having to deal with a rogue phone call ever again. When finished, write a letter to Apple and tell them that you want them to develop an iPhone with all the capabilities of current smartphones, but without the facility to actually make phone calls. We would love that device. We would buy like ten of them on release day.