Living Statue To Take Long, Hard Look At Where His Life Is At


ONE of Dublin’s most prominent living statues had decided that after six years of standing still on a crowded street while children poke you and teenagers make wanker signs, now might be a good time to sit down and just really take stock of where his life is right now.

Ian Mahon-Shields, 27, has performed as a living statue on Grafton Street since graduating with an Arts degree from Trinity College in 2009, and has truly mastered the skill of not moving until someone throws 10c into a biscuit tin in front of him.

The Donnybrook native, who claims his performances are inspired by statues from all across the world, was drawn to the living-statue life by a promise of fame, fortune, and artistic kudos.

However, Mahon-Shields has recently suffered a crisis of confidence following an incident with a urinating dog, and has admitted that he may need to take a long hard look at his life.

“Sometimes I wonder what the fuck I’m doing,” said Mahon-Shields, daubing his entire face with metallic paint as he prepared for his shift.

“You get a lot of time to think when you do this job. Standing still for eight hours a day, you can’t help but let your mind wander. I’ll often say to myself, ‘Ian, d’you think you should put that arts degree to better use?’ Sometimes it’s hard to not just go mental and break the jaw of the next student who waves his hand in front of my face”.

Should Mahon-Shields opt to continue his life as a living statue, he is considering adding something new to his act, such as a hat or a fake bird or some bullshit like that.