Fearful Government End Austerity After Alan Shatter Incident

THE Government has immediately put an end to all austerity measures after former minister for justice Alan Shatter was delayed by several minutes when attempting to enter Leinster House yesterday.

Mr. Shatter has come under fire for labelling the agitated protesters as ‘fascists, but exclusive footage obtained by WWN did show the so-called Sinister Fringe entering Peter Marks yesterday morning and requesting a ‘one blade all over’.

The angry mob surrounded Mr. Shatter’s car seemingly frustrated with myriad decisions made by the Fine Gael and Labour coalition Government, and began fascisting all over the paintwork of the TD’s car.

Such was the pronounced threat of the implementation of a totalitarian State by the protesters, the Government acted swiftly by finally giving in to the protesters demand and reversing all austerity dating back to late 2008.

“When that small crowd of fascists, probably numbering about 60 people, starting to clash with the Gardaí we knew the game was up,” Taoiseach Enda Kenny revealed from the safety of his underground bunker beneath Leinster House, “we just can’t sit back and watch the traffic congestion outside Kildare street descend further into madness,” he added while manually transferring all money owed to the Irish people back into their bank accounts.

“I’ll be at this for the next month I reckon, I’ve almost memorised all the sort codes so that should speed it up,” Kenny added.

The Taoiseach expressed some relief at the fact that it had taken the protesters over 4 years to realise that minor civil disobedience outside Leinster House was the foolproof way to creating lasting change in the Irish political system.