Fianna Fáil Rule Out Imaginary Coalition With Fine Gael That They Wouldn’t Get Anyway

AT their party’s Ard Fheis this weekend, members of Fianna Fáil voted against forming a coalition with political rivals Fine Gael all but bringing an end to the fears held by only a handful of people that such an unholy union could occur.

“Right, yeah, fair play to them but we’re hoping for the old Labour and a few independents mix,” Fine Gael leader and Taoiseach Enda Kenny said in response to the news.

“Seriously, I was down in Kerry last weekend promising Haely Rae I’d build Kerry a space station for Christ’s sake, does that sound like someone who would toy with the idea of letting Micheál Martin near a cabinet again?”

Martin, addressing a crowd of Fianna Fáil members in the RDS triumphantly explained that his party would not go into an imaginary coalition that Fine Gael themselves have no interest in.

The Fianna Fáíl leader went on to describe the imaginary coalition as one in which he would be the leader of and everyone could call him ‘the dude’ because he planned on being a super cool Taoiseach with loads of cool friends including bizarrely Colin Farrell.

The Ard Fheis was seen as a chance for Martin to reinvigorate support in his leadership but many photos coming out of the event have featured prominent members of the party such as Éamon Ó Cuív brandishing knives behind Martin’s back.

“Look it, I’m not worried about a challenge to my leadership,” Martin explained to WWN when pressed about rumblings within his own party, “I bought a stab vest there last month so if they come at the king they better not miss, I’m packing heat too ya know,” said the Cork man.

Members of Fianna Fáil spent much of the Ard Fheis queuing up to spit on a picture of Gerry Adams.