Man Buys 400 Cans Before Good Friday Just To Be Safe

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WATERFORD man Stevie Nolan has made the smart decision to spend the majority of his modest savings on stocking up on alcohol ahead of what he calls ‘the political and religious conspiracy to restrict the public’s access to alcohol’.

Stevie, like several thousands other Irish citizens, will take the precautionary measure to purchase alcohol on the off chance that he might have to drink tomorrow.

While Stevie admitted he wasn’t expecting to hear from friends Gary, Eoin, Damien or Rasher, he confirmed it would only be a fool who didn’t plan ahead for such a spur of the moment plans like having a few tins.

“It’d be the very day now that I’d forget to buy it that there would be some mad session on. Christ Almighty like, we’re supposed to be a modern democracy. What sort of society tells its citizens you can’t purchase alcohol on one Friday of the year?” Stevie queried in the queue of Molloys off licence.

In an attempt to ease the fright and shock people often encounter upon remembering it is the day before Good Friday the Government has dropped flyers from several planes around the country this morning, reminding the public what day it is.

“We like to go on about how we’re a great country, known for our poets, our emerging tech industry and all that but Jesus there it is Good Friday, every year like clockwork, oppressing our movement and right to access of alcohol,” he added now filling several trolleys full of cans.

“You’d wonder have we made any progress over the last few years at all when you see how worked up the Government gets about making sure places are closed for 24 hours,” Stevie added.

It is expected that the army will be drafted in again to deal with the last minute queuing at off licences come 10pm this evening.

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