Media Welcomes Latest Tragedy


AFTER a rather slow news week across the board, the world’s media gathered as one this afternoon to welcome the latest news tragedy to fill our papers and screens.

Editors and sub-editors raced to allocate potential story ideas for thousands of hungry journalists, who had all but lost faith in the unpredictability of the world and its peculiar workings.

“I was sure the week was going to drag,” voiced one Daily Mail journalist, who was writing a piece on Kanye West’s shoulder tattoo at the time. “I think we’ll get a good month out of this one. Plenty of families involved. Lots of glorious misery to play around with too. Great for business.”

As fragmented details filtered down the news assembly line, many journalists were ordered to simply ‘copy and paste’ from major news sites – for the moment – until potential angles were discussed by the hierarchy responsible for deciphering the shocking details into a workable headline that will attract readers.

Following a period of just thirty minutes since the awful event, online publications have been already awash with articles reworked from previous tragedies that were similar in nature in a bid to hold readers.

Informative and in no way tasteless top 10 lists of previous tragedies helpfully informed readers that previous tragedies of a similar nature have also existed in the past.

Additional work has also been created for journalists who will write a missive criticising the lustful exuberance of the media in its efforts to gain any semblance of a ‘breaking news’ piece.

For the most part many publications will successfully convince its reader that they take no pleasure in commodifying human suffering despite the opposite being true.

“The views on this are going to be amazeballs,” offered The Sun’s editor David Dinsmore. “This couldn’t have come at a better time in the week to be honest. A large and rather gruesome court case is wrapping up so at least now we have something to fill in the gaps.

“Hopefully there will be some foul play involved or speculation; and if there isn’t, we’ll hint at some anyway,” he concluded.