Insufferable Bitch Just Can’t Seem To Find The Right Guy

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WICKLOW Woman and insufferable bitch Suzanne Horan has expressed her regret at not being able to find the right guy, despite her obvious charm and easy going nature.

While close friends and family have reassured the raging assemblage of irredeemable awfulness that she ‘just has to be patient, the right guy will come along’, it is thought none of them actually believe what they’re saying.

Suzanne has recently taken to dating sites after her previous boyfriend, Dritzy, was sent to prison after pleading guilty to a robbery Suzanne herself carried out, something she omitted from her profile.

“He’s a stupid prick in fairness, can’t respect a man who’d take the fall for something he didn’t do. I’m glad he did though, not sure I’d get many dates if my profile picture was from inside a cell”.

The 29-year-old hairdresser has been quite vocal about her difficulty in finding the right man, taking to Facebook to attack the male species in lengthy rants.

“If you can’t love me at me worst, then you don’t deserve me at me best,” Suzanne wrote sometime last week, forgetting to mention to any male suitors that her worst was a violent assault on a 13-year-old boy after he skipped her in the queue in McDonalds.

“Suzanne? Find love? Not a fucking chance,” confirmed the insufferable bitch’s mother Karen.

When pushed to list some of her daughter’s qualities Karen thought long and hard, often shrugging her shoulders.

“Eh, I suppose I’ve never seen a woman punch as hard as her?” Suzanne’s mother said while pointing at her black eye, “and I got this for asking her to phone an ambulance for me after I’d had a heart attack”.

Not content with accepting the possibility of a life alone, Suzanne has spent much of the past week cornering her friends’ boyfriends and husbands with the reasonable question of ‘would ya lob it in her or not, c’mon be honest’.

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