Spanish Exchange Students To Sit Just About Anywhere They Bloody Well Please
The Garda Traffic Corps have issued an emergency warning to motorists urging them to be vigilant as Spanish exchange students continue to wreak havoc.
Reports indicate the students continue to disregard normal Irish customs which dictate individuals should sit down on things like chairs and not just about anywhere they bloody well please.
A five mile tailback has occurred after a group of students took a trip to McDonalds before they aimlessly wandered out onto the motorway in search of a grazing area. Despite irate drivers beeping and shouting, the students appear completely unaware of the nuisance and obstruction they currently pose.
“It is not discriminatory in any way to suggest these Spaniards lack what you would call directional and spatial awareness,” explained Garda Gary Fennell, “they have what scientists have called ‘seat blindness’, unlike you or me they aren’t aware of what a seat looks like so they go looking for one until they throw themselves down in any place due to pure exhaustion”.
This latest Garda warning comes a week after a study was published which claimed the number one cause of hearing loss in Ireland was prolonged exposure to Spanish student groups on the top deck of any Dublin bus route.
The report confirmed what many Irish people have long suspected; Spanish students are as much as 78% louder than the average Irish person.
“It’s the ‘heh’ sound which does the most damage, if you hear a few of them my advice is to cover your ears and throw yourself through the window, it’s the only sensible move,” explained expert Dr June Rafferty.
It is a little known fact that during the summer months Ireland’s cities are overwhelmed by the influx of countless teenage Spanish students. For every one Irish person on the streets of Dublin there are believed to be forty seven bleeting Spaniards. Ireland’s Spanish population swells to over 3 million in the summer, but research shows they have not interacted with a single Irish person since 2007.
The origins of this yearly influx can be traced right back to when former dictator General Franco holidayed in Bantry in 1967, so taken was he with Cork people’s way of life and sense of superiority he amended the constitution to stipulate all Spanish teenagers must venture to Ireland to learn English, this clause has remained unchanged.