Lump Expected To Make Full Recovery After Michael Noonan Removal


A CANCEROUS lump is said to be in a stable condition in St Luke’s Hospital this week after a three hour operation to have a Michael Noonan removed.

The sarcoma, who found the finance minister attached to its underbelly earlier this year, is expected to make a full recovery over the next few weeks.

“I was out playing golf when I noticed the large growth.” recalled the lump. “The doctors said I had a full blown politician growing underneath me and that I would have to get it surgically removed before it sucked the life out of me.”

After further testing by specialists, the type of growth was found to be a ‘Michael Noonan’, one of the most dangerous political growths on the planet.

“My family was very worried for me at first, but luckily the doctors said it was removable, even though it was in its latter stages of its political life.” explained the lump.

“You just don’t expect it to happen to you. One minute you’re on top of the world and the next you’re preparing yourself to be discarded into a medical waste bucket and shipped for incineration down the country somewhere.”

The lump is expected to remain in hospital for the next week before being released back into the world.