Kilkenny Voted Best Town In Ireland For Taking A Slash When Drunk



It’s good news for Kilkenny residents this morning, as their town has beaten off stiff competition in a new poll to find the best town in Ireland for having a cheeky slash when out on the rip.

The survey, conducted by the Urination League of Ireland, found that Kilkenny’s many alleyways and arched streets combined with it’s bridges and riverbanks offered drunks the best facilities for when you’re bursting for a piddle.

Close runners-up were Westport, which was deemed too exposed, and Dublin, which was deemed to have too many homeless people and drug addicts cluttering up otherwise ideal alcoves.

“The World Health Organisation recommends a urination every fifteen minutes while drinking, following the initial seal breakage” said ULI spokesperson Arthur Bliss, in an exclusive interview with WWN.

“After closing time, while waiting on a taxi, or simply when walking from one bar to another, most people will find themselves to be dying for a hit n’miss. Our survey found Kilkenny offered the best nooks and crannies to duck into for that sweet drunk slash relief without getting done for indecent exposure”.

Also taken into account was Kilkenny’s popularity as a destination for Hen and Stag weekends, which sees hundreds of inebriates descend on the picturesque town every weekend. Bliss believes that votes cast by these party-goers helped to swing the poll in Kilkenny’s favour.

“When you’re in your own hometown, you’ll know exactly where to go when you need to go” said the 55 year old former urologist.

“However, when you’re in an unfamiliar town, as so many of these hens and stags find themselves, you need to be able to work on instinct. Kilkenny proved most popular among these droves of drinkers, who found that they were never far away from a nice safe alley where they could spend a penny in peace and not be mugged by someone with a blood-filled syringe”.