IRELAND’S competitive brunch industry has seen cafes under increased pressure to use their menus to justify plucking prices out of their arses for two poached eggs on some bread, WWN can reveal.
Reviews in newspapers, magazines and online publications reveal a thriving industry dedicated to lovingly pairing some eggs with unjustifiable prices.
“Look, this is the Dublin brunch scene baby. It’s cutthroat. The day you stop being creative is the day you die,” one cafe owner told WWN, before unveiling a new menu which took bullshitting in a bid to gouge customers to the next level.
“Organic, hand rared eggs on top of unique, one of a kind, limited edition single slice sourdough bread, accompanied by crestfallen feta and a muscular dash of lime aside some brazen avocados,” added the owner, as if revealing the third secret of Fatima.
These menus, paired with uncomfortable chairs and other old furniture fetched out of a nearby skip has helped the ‘€15 for two poached eggs or else you can fuck off and Instagram your food elsewhere’ cafes guard against accusations brunch might not be value for money.
“Just look around pal,” the owner said as we surveyed the packed cafe, “these spanners are too afraid to admit this whole thing is stupid and only a way to boost their self esteem so they can tell people they ate in that place that has an old bicycle mounted to the wall above the till”.
One cafe is being formally investigated by the Gardaí after charging €19 for eggs benedict simply because they renamed it ‘eggs Benedict Cumberbatch’.