30,000 Homeless By 2030 Pledged In New Govt Housing Plan

ANNOUNCING their fourth housing plan in just twelve years this morning, the Irish government has pledged to once again fail to meet the housing demands of Ireland’s ever-growing population, promising to build only a fraction of the homes actually needed.

“This is the biggest housing plan yet,” Taoiseach Micheál Martin insisted, delivering the line with the enthusiasm of a man who has never once had to live with the consequences of his own policies. His words falling flat on a nation that has watched every previous plan collapse long before reaching even half of its already watered-down targets.

“We need over 100k homes per year, and they’re promising 75k? Right!” the bewildered nation replied. “Is this a joke? Please say this is a joke. So it’s 30,000 homeless in four years?”

Government politicians launched the freshly recycled plan with the confidence of people who know they will face absolutely no accountability for their stunning incompetence, waving glossy brochures for the cameras before tossing them onto the now towering pile of previous failed plans.

“Oh don’t worry, we will still vote them back in 2030 while complaining about the exact same problems, because we’re Irish people with Stockholm syndrome who simply enjoy the suffering,” the nation concluded, looking around at the tents, the record rents, the record profits, and the complete absence of shame among the people in charge.