“How Come You & Your Dad Support Different Teams?” Innocently Asks Girlfriend About To Receive Crash Course In Chelsea’s Early 2000s Transformation

UNAWARE she has set herself on a path towards receiving a dense-packed hours long lecture about early 2000s Premier League football, Emily O’Sullivan has queried why her boyfriend Sean Hughton supports a different team to his father.

“And you see Damien Duff is Irish and he played the same position as me, and they were drowning in money. And Jose was cool back then, not the cringe magnet he is now, but even before him Ranieri was like sound and Ferguson and his little parade of pricks were arrogant as anything,” launched Hughton, not drawing breath as O’Sullivan identified her nearest emergency exits.

Putting himself back on the defensive slightly 32-year-old Hughton made sure to mention how before his time mid-90s Chelsea were a joyously sophisticated blend of brawn and skill, counting Zola and Wise among their ranks, thus proving the ‘we’ve got no history’ chant is deeply ironic before having to explain the chant’s origins what O’Sullivan said “what’s a chant?”.

“And sure dad would try and wedge me into a United shirt but I didn’t want to be like the other lad in school who were all United fans. You following this?” continued Hughton, the words spilling out of him excitedly as his girlfriend finally asked him about something he cared about instead of boring topics such as his career or his terminally ill grandfather.

A spirited and energised love poem about Claude Makelele and how he walked so Ngolo Kante could run didn’t seem to have desired effect on O’Sullivan, who Hughton now presumed would accompany him on several trips to Stamford Bridge on an annual basis and making the possibility that their first child could be called Terry very likely.

“Do you want to see my Premier League sticker book?” beamed Hughton, rummaging through a shoe box in his wardrobe.