Investigation Launched To Discover Why Sofas No Longer Come With Arm Rest Covers

IRISH homeowners are subject of a wide-ranging furniture study, believed to be the biggest of its kind, which is seeking to understand when the practice of having arm rest covers on sofas came to an end.

“You couldn’t move from arm rest covers, couches had them, the ‘dad chair’ had them, the good room was just one big arm rest. Christ we used to dress our children in old arm rest covers but when did we decide to stop using them?” professor of furniture studies at TUD Harry O’Neill queried.

Reasons posited for the almost complete extinction arm covers is traced to a dwindling supply of Irish women who are so aggressively house proud their wrath is more feared by Irish society than a roaming band of machine-gun totting vigilantes.

“Some suggest it’s a ‘notions’ thing but isn’t removing the covers the OPPOSITE of notions? Having arm rest covers says ‘my sofa is precious’, it tells visitors ‘I don’t want your gummy, grubby bastard forearms destroying my expensive furniture,” added O’Neill, who believes there’s a link between the disappearance of arm rests and the fall of Irish civil society.

Participants in the study have been warned that the recent adoption of a non-matching little cover draped over one arm of a sofa that has slots for a TV remote, magazines and other items doesn’t count and looks ridiculous, retaining none of the understated quintessentially Irish tackiness of arm rest covers.

“Some studies are utterly pointless but am glad someone is finally doing something of value,” said one study participant Patricia Clarke, who is just thankful matching patterned curtains and carpets never went out of fashion.