Local Woman Can’t Believe How Many Bullshit Made Up Christmas Traditions In-Laws Have
THE PERSONABLE and polite exterior belonging to local woman Ciara Kinnane is at risk of shattering if she has to endure one more bullshit Christmas tradition observed by the her other half’s family, the Mortons.
“Silly Sockless time, Silly Sockless time, who’s going to win the last Roses chocolate,” screeched Morton matriarch and mother-in-law to Kinanne, Carmel as the family inexplicably whipped off their socks and ran out the front door.
“D’you not play this before? I definitely told you about this one Ciara,” Kinnane’s partner Jack said, outlining how one member of the family who can survive out on the concrete drive way in front of the house in their bare feet the longest wins a solitary chocolate.
“But it’s mild enough like and you’re all adults. You can buy an infinite amount of chocolate for yourselves. In fact you just told me you vomited a little in your mouth there ‘cos you’re too full of chocolate,” a so-fucking-done-with-this Kinnane said.
At first glance, Kinnane could be labeled a Grinch of the highest order, but experts in spending festive period with the in-laws have pleaded for understanding.
“She’s had to sit through something called ‘Oopsy Daisy Gift’ where you buy someone a gift you know they’ll hate, and there’s still the Christmas Eve watching of the Michael Keaton Batman movies ‘as is tradition’ to come, and the mulled wine and pineapple soup. These family-specific traditions are a penance,” explained one Christmasologist, who wouldn’t blame Kinnane if she started walking back home to Cork from Dublin now.
Expertly spotting that Kinnane was receding into herself slightly, her other half tried to cheer her up.
“You a bit tired or something? Don’t worry, you’ll be having great craic once we start playing mistletoe toe, remember? Where we pass the parcel with mistletoe and if it’s in your hand when the music stops, you have kiss someone’s toe” Jack told Kinnane, who can’t believe she’s three more days of this foot obsessed family.