Criminals Promise To Strike On Nov 10th In Solidarity With Gardaí


ANNOUNCING a ‘blue flu’ for November the 10th and several work to rule days in the coming weeks as part of an ongoing dispute with Garda Commissioner Drew Harris over a new rota, gardaí has potentially set Ireland up for its very own real life version of ‘The Purge’. However, the most unlikely of allies have emerged.

“We fully believe in collective bargaining and the dignity of the working man and woman. As Marx himself said ‘reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form’ the guards don’t want to strike and cause disruption but they feel they have to and so in an act of solidarity we will strike on the same day,” said thief Dan Earton while taking an angle grinder to the lock on a bike.

“Ah we’d fucking eat the poor public alive like, there needs to be some order otherwise there is only chaos. I think it was Big Jim Larkin who said ‘those who want to divide the workers have resorted to the foulest methods’ and that’s head the ball Harris in a nutshell, that new rota is a joke. Disbanding serious crime units while the likes of me are around? Gobshite,” added a contemporary of Earton, who was speaking in between landing punches on a tourist’s face.

In a bid to win back favour with rank and file gardaí Garda Commissioner has said he is willing to ring gardaí’s children and tell them santa isn’t real on Christmas eve or failing that shit in their letter boxes.

Elsewhere, the percentage of politicians supporting rank and file gardaí has increased to 100%, seconds after TDs and Senators learned gardaí would not be working overtime outside the Dáil on budget day.