World Braces Itself For Trumpiest Week Yet


FEARS are growing that the world has lost it’s hard-earned tolerance for Trumpishness and that the upcoming week will hit people like a bottle of tequila after a year of sobriety, as the former president braces himself for an arrest and the entire United States prepares to lose its mind completely.

Trump issued a post on Saturday pleading with people to take to the streets if he is arrested as expected on Tuesday, in a video that had many people asking if he’d always been this erratic and if he’d always been quite so orange.

“This just shows that the four years we spent with this man as president where all this seemed normal has worn off, and it all just looks so weird and non-2023 to us now,” said one observer, noting that when Trump asks his supporters to ‘protest, protest, protest,’ he usually means ‘riot, riot, riot’.

“As such, this week will hit people like a ton of bricks. Like if you haven’t had a coffee in a while and then a double espresso makes you shit your trousers instantly. Except instead of shitting your trousers it’s guys in MAGA hats and wraparound shades posting 15 minute rants from the driver seat of their trucks”.

Other things to watch out for include:

– Donald Trump Jnr offering himself up for arrest in a last bid to get his Dad to look in his direction.

– How Melania is going to react when the cops arrive and she’s asked to ‘draw their fire’.

– Ivanka Trump staying real quiet about everything for the foreseeable future.

– The Republican party distancing themselves from Trump unless their voter base, y’know, are into it.