UK & EU Reach Deal On Protocol, Now Let’s Take A Sip Of Coffee & Check In With The DUP


A BREAKTHROUGH development that could see the end of Brexit hostility between the EU and UK on the subject of the Northern Ireland Protocol has been reached, again.

This will be the third, possibly fourth maybe ninth time (who’s counting) that the issue of goods checks between Britain and the island of Ireland will have reached a conclusion that was acceptable to all parties involved, except one of course.

That party, the DUP, has yet to offer their opinion on the new customs deal but sources close to the party are confident that they’ll give it an enthusiastic thumbs up and everything will be peachy from here on out.

“Oh I can’t see any reason why the DUP would have an issue with a new deal that would see an end to years of uncertainty and simmering hostility that helped light a flame under,” said one local correspondent we spoke to, who seemed to be giggling a bit to himself as he spoke.

“If it’s one thing the DUP do better than anyone else, it’s compromise,” he continued, his face reddening from suppressing laughter.

“Ring up Brussels and tell them well done lads, you’ve cracked it! It’s all plain sailing from here! Get that Varadkar lad on the phone and tell him good job Leo, you’re the man!” our correspondent continued, before breaking down in hysterics.